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Boat Truck
By Paul Campbell
There are few things as frustrating as arriving at the boat ramp only to find that the line is slightly longer than on the opening night of Star Wars Episode I. In fact by the time you get launched it's time to go to the back of the line to take your boat out so you can get it done in time to get to work the following day! The one thing that is more frustrating is when the rear wheels of your vehicle fall off the end of the ramp burying you up to the axle and the waves start lapping into the bed of your truck.
In fact the whole process is sometimes so maddening that it hardly seem worth it at all. It takes all one's willpower to keep from just driving the truck straight across the beach into the water and just motoring away on the boat! Well, I'm not sure how popular this is going to be, but now it may be possible to more or less do exactly that.
So by this point you're thinking, "Okay, Paul's finally snapped. Call the rubber truck before he hurts himself!" Well, while possibly true, this one is not my doing. This is the "Self-Propelled Boat Launch Vehicle" patented by Canadian inventor Carl Braun. The device is, well, a boat trailer with its own power plant. Sort of a boat "truck" instead of a boat "trailer."
So what's the difference whether you wait in line with a trailer or a boat-truck? None, but the object of the invention seems to be more or less that you don't have to wait in line. In fact this is the ATV of boatdom, and ostensibly you can just drive it in anywhere! I'm not entirely certain, should this become a popular device, if States will require an Off Road Vehicle sticker, but you can be pretty sure to get a few double-takes while you're driving to a suitable launch site. Since the vehicle isn't actually amphibious it might behoove you to examine the prospective launch site before just driving in like a crazed tank commander. It would be truly unfortunate to discover that you are the one person who lives at the point where the continental shelf comes right up to the shore.
Now here is a problem. Not everyone can necessarily afford a boat and a dedicated vehicle to carry it. For example, my long time sidekick Vapid Fendermonger can barely afford a boat and a place to live. In fact I have repeatedly questioned him about why his "mobile home" has a Freightliner logo on it. So, that being the case I have visions of passing Vapid on the expressway driving his boat-truck to work because he traded in the family station wagon for a down payment of it. On the up side at least he won't be opening up his passenger door into the side of my truck anymore, but I have certain reservations about how it will affect his kid's mental state when he arrives in it to pick them up from a soccer game.
Twenty years from now:
"So, Mr. Fendermonger, tell me why it is that you think you are terrified of canned tuna?"
"Well Doc, it all started when I was a kid and my old man showed up at school driving the boat."
"The boat? Excuse me one minute will you Mr. Fendermonger? Nurse Pummelhorst, yes, could you call over and have them send the rubber truck and six large goons with a tazer? Yes, I think Mr. Fendermonger is going to be with us for a while."
What's next?
